So, stage one of project slow is to mess around with what you eat, and how much you eat. Drop those calories, avoid carbohydrates, eat like a caveman. Whatever it is make sure you really mess that diet up and develop some severe issues with food. Find a good diet cult and follow it like its your new religion. As a kid you probably ate whatever you liked with little effect other than you always had energy, were most likely constantly warm and you didn't worry about food like you do now. All well and good if you were born in the 1920's, however, for those of us looking to lay down some fat stores we're lucky that our government (via lots of lobbyists) decided that natural saturated fats (butter, coconut oil etc) were bad for us, and that we needed new "healthy" manmade poly-unsaturated fats (PUFA) which would improve upon what mother nature had intended us to eat.
Did genuine science pave the way for the "health" advice that we should consume PUFA rather than profit? I'll leave that for another post, but the science behind PUFA is a little slippery to say the least. For those of us wishing to get chunky its another stroke of luck that when groups of animals were fed unsaturated vegetable oil, pure saturated coconut oil, and various mixtures of the two. The animals’ obesity increased in proportion to the ratio of unsaturated fat in their diet, independent of the total amount of fat or calories they consumed. Animals that ate even small amounts of unsaturated oil were fat, and those that ate large amounts of coconut oil were thin. So, check your food packets and ensure that you pick foods laden with veg oil (sunflower oil, rapeseed/canola oil etc) if you want to bulk up ready for your next beach holiday. [REF]
The more unsaturated a vegetable oil is, the more it suppresses our tissues response to thyroid hormones which equals lower metabolism and increased ability to store fat. Unsaturated fats come from the seeds of plants (a plant's babies for all the vegans out there). Seed's contain toxins and enzyme suppressors which block protein digestive enzymes in the stomach to protect seed's from predators and prevent germination until conditions are optimal for sprouting. In effect a natural pesticide, so the more you eat the more thyroid suppression you get. Great for those of us looking to get fat, not so great for those that are conned into thinking that nuts, seeds and oils are essential for a healthy life.
The next stage is to encourage a touch of HYPOGLYCEMIA and to do this we're going to start eating erratically. Skipping meals, bingeing and then guiltily fasting. All help to confuse the body and lower that metabolism even further. Keep this up and you'll look soon bulk right up. You can guarantee that your cortisol, estrogen and adrenaline levels will be all over the place...your doing great.
As we've discussed above, malnutrition is the best way to begin slowing your metabolism in your quest for fatness. How else can we continue the good work you've begun....exercise!!
Exercise can be an aid to health and even weight-loss if its correctly prescribed, but we're going to push ourselves and guilt trip ourselves into working out far beyond our caloric intake. You're probably now frequently cold and have a decreased pulse, (unless your adrenaline is keeping it falsely high). You may struggle to bulk up and really slow that metabolism down, but once biology kicks in and your hormones down regulate, the fatigue kicks in and you're appetite becomes unavoidable, you're well on your way to the higher fat body you've always dreamed of.
Some more tips to gain body fat and lower your metabolism;
Increase Lactic Acid (Exercise)
Create an Oxygen Deficiency (Cardio, Classes or lack of Glucose Metabolism) –
Increase Stress, including over exercising, missing meals, caloric deficit, macro avoidance, poor food choice (pufa etc).
Avoid the following as they may improve metabolism and thyroid;
Animal Proteins (other than just pure muscle meat)
Cholesterol (oh yeah, the stuff they tell you is bad for you)
Caffeine (Always made with sugar and cream or drunk with a meal)
Oh, if by any chance you don't want to ruin your metabolism then just do the opposite. If you've already ruined your metabolism also do the opposite but realise that it will take time you undo years and years of damage.